dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
