I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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