He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
