singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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