im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
