I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
