she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
