Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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