fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
