Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
