Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
