I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
