ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
