You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
