Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
