so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
