I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
