At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
