He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
