what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
