my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
