Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
