Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
