if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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