so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
