His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
