so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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