I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
