Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
