I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
