Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i came on her dog
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think your dad took our porno
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
