Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
