Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
