So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
