I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
