If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
