Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
