Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
