this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
