what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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