Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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