Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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