I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
