I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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