Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
