i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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