officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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