I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
