im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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