um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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